I've been going through some changes lately. I'm not sure if it's an early midlife crisis or what, but I just feel that I should be doing more with my life.
Not saying I don't love my life - because I do. I love being a husband, a father, I love my job, I love lifting weights with my brother. But is that it? Is that what life is? Have a family, do a few hobbies, and wait to retire and die? Again, not saying all that isn't enough, but maybe it isn't.
"What have you ever done to change the world?"
That question has been going through my head lately. It was a line Trevor asked his teacher in the movie Pay It Forward. It was also a question my wife asked me in a different form when I was telling her about Humanism. I was telling her about how they don't believe in any higher power but they do believe in helping people. In a somewhat joking fashion, she told me that I've never helped anyone… but the truth is - she was right.
When she said that I knew I needed to change something. I want to do more… be more. I just don't know what that "more" is yet.
At the same time, I struggle with this because I often question if I'm doing a good enough job at the things I'm already doing. In general I feel I do a good job - but there are a lot of little things that I know I can do better. Just right now my wife asked me to pick up my shoes… but I didn't get to it and she picked them up for me. I could spend more time with my kids, work harder at work. There's always room for improvement.
Shouldn't I being doing those things before I take on the task of changing the world? But maybe if I do take the time to do those things I will never get to the "changing the world" part. Maybe I can do both at the the same time? Maybe I just need to work on becoming a better person in general. That is really the task that I'd like to take on… become the best person I can… whatever that might be.